Wednesday, January 30, 2013


You were supposed to grace us with your presence on December 15th, 2012, you however were having no part of that. I was growing anxious and impatient and while sitting in the waiting room would look at your Father and say "I hope I'm dilated" at least a dozen times. After a handful of appointments and absolutely no signs of you coming on your own we were scheduled for an induction for the 21st. This was it, we had a date and boy was that one giant reality check, as if the giant belly and spontaneous cravings for super-sized banana splits (ask your Dad about that one) wasn't enough. That night was a very restless one for your Mama and the entire car ride the following day was full of tension aside from my flirty "Lets go have a baby" to Daddy.

Once we got there they took me to the room and I was hooked up to monitors and over the next hour was hooked up to an IV and checked to see how far along I was, 1.5 measly centimeters. Our hospital room soon became full of visitors and since I wasn't feeling the contractions I was having yet we all laughed and played a few games. My doctor came in a few hours later to check my progress, still the same, he shagged everyone out and told me to try and get some sleep. How could I sleep when in a few hours (wishful thinking) I'd become a Mother? It wasn't long after the room became quiet and dark (Daddy fell asleep) where I started feeling the contractions. At first they were tolerable and quickly I was walking around, bouncing on a giant ball, and begging for a hard massage. It was my goal to deliver you naturally with little to no medical intervention and definitely no drugs for pain, well that changed very quickly when I told the nurse I needed something. I honestly cannot remember how I requested it or if it was even me but minutes later she returned with the tiniest syringe ever of morphine. My thoughts? "What the heck is that gonna do lady?" And I was right, it did absolutely nothing. At this point I have been in labor for 14 hours and was ready to pull you out myself when the doctor entered the room to check me, only 4 centimeters! My body wasn't doing what it was designed to do and you were not responding well to the induction medication, your heart rate was dropping and the doctor told me I needed a Cesarean. I was scared, upset that this wasn't what I imagined, and too exhausted to argue. A swarm of nurses came in, prepped me, threw scrubs at Dad, and wheeled me away...I'm not even sure I had a chance to say goodbye to Mimi or Gigi! I like to think they all came in like a SWAT team because you're a V.I.P but it was shift change and they wanted to go home!

So here I am, sitting naked on an operating table, puking into a blue plastic tube, and trying not to shake too much from the pain of the contractions mixed with the below zero temps of that room while they medicated me so I wouldn't feel the procedure. I think some of the medication went to my brain because I instantly became loopy and felt entirely out of it. Your Dad sat next to me and held my hand and spoke to me to help keep me awake and distracted, he did incredible. Then it happened, at 7:41 a.m. you gave us your best war cry and we became completely yours. I wanted so badly to jump off the table and have a peek at you. After the longest 2 minutes of my life and your Dad telling me how beautiful you were I finally got to see you. He was right, you are the most beautiful thing I ever laid my eyes on, 9 pounds and 2 ounces of pure handsome.

It was hospital policy that you spend an hour bonding with the Mother and so I held you, nursed you, admired you, and just plain loved you. We were finally wheeled to our room and were met by family. They spent time loving on you and then it was time to prove you could eat and so I nursed you again. The nurse tested your blood sugar levels and they were low, she informed me this was common in larger babies so I brushed it off. You were tested again shortly thereafter and it was low again, this time I was told you had one more try and if it was still low then you would be going to the NICU. The third time wasn't the charm for us because it was low again and I barely got to kiss you goodbye before they were there to wheel you away. I broke while your Dad stayed strong. I think he always knows things are going to be okay before they actually are, and he told me to be strong for you and so I stopped. Over the next 3 days I became incredibly familiar with the route from my hospital room to your nursery in the NICU. I was sore, exhausted, sad, and yet I wanted nothing more than to hold you and to learn you were doing better. It was Christmas day and I was being discharged, you however had to stay. Labor was excruciating  recovery from a cesarean was intense, but nothing has been harder in this life then leaving that hospital without you. Over night you were out of the incubator and in an actual crib. Eventually your levels were stable and you were eating enough to come home where you belonged. And so we made our final trip to that hospital and brought you home. You fill our hearts sweet boy and every adventure with you, no matter how difficult, is one to be cherished.

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